Tuesday, October 25, 2016

In which the pond ushers the Caterists into its hall of fame ...


The pond has finally been forced to acknowledge that the Caterists, through dint of perseverance, exceptional diligence and a singular lack of humour have earned the right to enter the pond's hallowed hall of fame...

In part, the citation reads that the honour is for "a remarkable capacity for accepting government grants, while deploring the tendency in others to seek out cash in the paw and shouting them down as welfarists ... "

The honour makes the Caterists part of a long and noble Australian tradition ...



As a result, it didn't matter what the Caterists scribbled about this day, they were long overdue the honour and the recognition, but the pond is pleased to see that the Caterists didn't diverge from their honourable path by the billabong, deploring the welfarist tendencies of others while keeping that jumbuck safely under the arm...



It's around this point that the pond - noting talk of deficit and debt deserving serious attention - always ritually celebrates the way that government manages to piss money against the wall on wastrels and ne'er do wells ...




Oh it's quite bewitching, and reminiscent of a Soviet style government, but now tradition requires a further reading of the master of gobbets, with due credit to the reptiles of Oz, who, in their extreme innocence, expect people to pay to read a man who lives on government grants ...



Indeed, indeed, most things are better left to the market, except of course certain aspects of government, especially the matter of handing over the cash so that it might caress the paw of the recipient ... for those, bureaucrats are sterling servants. 

You don't have to be Milton Friedman to know that leaving the handing out of cash willy nilly in the manner of an absolutely free market could turn out to be Wall Street on steroids and nuts, and so what's needed is the management of grants in the manner that the Soviet Union used to manage the production of shoes ...

Come now, bureaucrats, show us how it's done, and remember, a fine flourish of gobbledegook will explain the importance and the benefits of the granting ...



Ah comrades of the central gulag of the Department of Finance, how wise you are in your cardigan choices, and no doubt the recipient is grateful and sings the praise of bureaucrats and government each week he scribbles for the lizards of Oz ...

Let us see how the praise resounds in the final gobbet ...


Now it's true that there is little to no evidence that the Caterists are of any use whatsoever, and the public policy justification for spending more on Caterist blathering is weak, and the reasons for ongoing support, year after meaningless year, are even weaker ...

But the pond won't brook this argument, because it has always thought that in this socially orientated world, pissing money against the wall on the dumb, the inept, and the useless is the sign of good people doing good things...

What's the alternative? Kick them out on the street where they make trouble? Better to pay them to conduct roundtables and conduct important research and so on and so forth ... 

Hmm, February 2017 is coming up, let's hope the paperwork is in place ...



Now some might think that the 700k plus detailed herein, generating expenses duly noted, might be better spent on child care, or some other socially beneficial activity, but that could well lead to riots in Canberra and the bankruptcy of the Menzies Research Centre, and possibly illness and death, or even terror attacks as vengeful Caterists don the garb of the Punisher and roam the streets attacking innocent, hapless cardigan wearers ...

What social utility would arise from that sort of complete misfire?

Compassion won't pay the bills, but cash in the paw will keep the wolf from the door.

This is valuable social work, and the only real cost is the sound of the drone droning away in the hive, not contributing anything except the noise he makes ... and for that we should all be surely grateful as we pass by that billabong...



1 comment:

  1. Arise,Sir Nicholas Cater,Master of Gobbets and Coeur de Bludgeurre!
    I imagine this award must have placed the awards committee under some pressure as it appears to be actually raining loons at the moment.
    Hilarious little read Dorothy.Love it.

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