Tuesday, April 24, 2018

In which the reptile crusade continues ...


When it looks and it smells like a reptile crusade, the pond's experience suggests it is a reptile crusade …

The pond had thought it was a joke and the reptiles would get over their desire for comic book iconography, skulls and pirate flags …but nope, they've been enormously busy ferreting out role models …


It's kill or be killed in the reptile world …


And so to the crusaders keep doing their thing …


Yes, even Brendan, ally of the Punisher is heading to the barricades, preferring death to dishonour. Who knew the lamington had it in him? Talk about role models …

One of the features of a crusade is the way some casual sightings can be turned into a cause, and a recitation of all that's gone before …


Poor old Gen Campbell, he really doesn't know what he's started. Here we are April 24, the minute was written April 17, and the game is afoot, and the reptiles are loose and on the prowl, urging on nihilism, anarchism and vigilantism, because that's what every civilised country needs ...

The pond suggests the Gen realise he's on the losing side. He should seize the initiative, and design a new uniform, preferably in black (everyone in Melbourne and the SS knows black is best), and with plenty of blood-spattered logos …and perhaps devise a few new war cries, like death to the infidels, or if that's taken, death to the enemies of the Anglo-Celtic reptile crusaders …

Then it could be farmed out to other government activities, like prison work. Everybody knows where the Punisher ended up …


Fear the reptile storm, embrace the other, adopt the black, accept the skull ...

Think how that could help the Pope when cartooning about your average gulag …Instead of this ...


… he could be showing the hurricane waiting to erupt …


And as always, there's more punishing Pope thoughts here ...


In which Dame Groan shows how its done ...


The pond is always delighted when others share in its assorted fetishes - rubber, leather and Lloydie - and by golly Lloydie was a star last night on Media Watch here.  

He really is the Crown of Thorns starfish of climate science.

And then there was a parade of assorted rogues and ratbags in the matter of the banks

 

 

The AFR, which frequently outflanks the lizard Oz in its desire to suck up to the big end of town, scored very well up against the reptiles …


… though they really should have blamed fake news for the conspiracy theories.

The pond was however bitterly disappointed that the Caterists didn't make the cut.

Media Watch usually has a lot of time for the Caterists - remember the joy of Nick Cater's hypocrisy - and surely this effort on 14th August 2017 would have made a nice clipping ...

The game is up. Labor's call for a banking royal commission is a campaign of convenience that serves the interests of its chums in the industry superannuation funds. Forget the tosh about standing up for the workers. The party of John Curtin and Ben Chifley is currying favour from the big end of town …

In its perp walk, its hall of shame, Media Watch spared a few kind words for acts of contrition, by the Bolter and others …

 

Well there was no way that the Caterists were going to walk back their shame - the Caterists and shame are like kero and water - and this day the Caterits were out and about, as saucy as you please, maintaining the rage about Bill Shorten as if nothing had happened …

But what of others?


By golly, Dame Groan is a humble sort of person, she'd be sure to walk things back, and what's this? 

This very day she's scribbling about bankers?


The pond knew that Dame Groan would begin with a sizzling "In my view, there is every reason for a royal commission into banking, at least now that the Buddha has given me enlightenment" …

How deluded is the pond?


Well it probably passes as bank bashing of a kind … especially because the wicked banks apparently accept climate science (oh Lloydie, Lloydie, much more dissembling to do) and manage to sound like the ABC and pretend an interest in women … when we all know, thanks to Dame Groan, that "in my view, there is every reason for a royal commission into banking" …with their wretched diversions and subterfuges and puerile blather not fooling the Dame, not for a groaning second ...


Yes, the banks should follow Dame Groan and regain trust by admitting the errors of their ways …

The pond thinks we all get the drift in that lot of groaning… though it took a Rowe cartoon to discern the exact nature of the drifting and the listing … with more Rowe here ...



In which the dog botherer joins Capt'n Flint me hearties … and raises a pirate flag ...


The pond realises that today there are many matters of great moment on the go, but the dog botherer went there yesterday, as the pond had hoped and expected, and so attention had to be paid, including that delightfully homophobic response by one Joseph McDremott, and Bronson calling the dog botherer an absolute tosser …though it added to the pond worry that the intertubes is far too full of understatement ...

The pond has many arguments with the lesser half about who is the dumbest - the dog botherer or the Caterist - and was mutually agreed that whichever was the last piece that was published would be the dumbest …


Was it just a coincidence that the reptiles published a snap of soldiers marching where there's nary a bit of dog botherer-preferred iconography on display?

Of course the pond grew up in the time of the Vietnam war where the behaviour, conduct and dress sense of American soldiers was celebrated in shows such as Apocalypse Now as a sure sign of why the disaffected grunts were going to lose the fight … but fancy the Donald not wanting to join in …



And then the sublimely stupid dog botherer decides to jump the shark … by citing "Ned" Kelly and Monash …


Monash might have valued the larrikin spirit, and not been up himself like a British commander, but to drag him into the discussion shows a complete absence of understanding of how Monash conducted himself, and expected the people under his command to behave …

And just to confirm that the dog botherer is a chicken hawk dumb bunny, what's this about "the freedom and encouragement to fight for their values"?

Aren't they supposed to be fighting for the aims of a designated mission? Does "their values" encompass looking and sounding like bikies or pirates on the seven seas?

The dog botherer's short piece was so inane that it actually provoked a little consternation amongst twitterers …


To which the dog botherer replied …


And why did the pond find that so funny?

Well, the very same day, this stern warning came down from on high …


Indeed, indeed. Looking for high standards of professional behaviour on the lizard Oz?

Take your pick, but remember to include the dog botherer celebrating piracy on the high seas …

Ah, was it only a few days ago, Jim lad, that the pond predicted that there'd be some News Corp clown who'd join the pirates …

But in the rubble of dog botherer stupidity, there was one tweet that referenced a Mitchell and Webb sketch, giving the pond a rare chance to give its favourite comic pair a go …



Join with the dog botherer in saying … the Nazis always had the best clobber … why skulls? Because skulls are good …death, cannibals, beheadings, pirates are fun ...

Monday, April 23, 2018

In which the reptiles let the Major out of the cage ...


The pond is perplexed. Why do the reptiles let the jewel in the crown, Major Mitchell himself, step out into the world and walk amongst ordinary mortals?

Surely he above all others should be locked away, and treasured, especially as this day he's speculating on a matter dear to the reptiles' heart, the state of the very empire itself.

Who else could lead off with the astonishing insight that television is television, when the pond thought it had attained enlightenment when it finally understood that a fish is a fish … go fish, snap!


Curious. The pond will leave it to others to understand how killing trees is the way forward for newspapers, while streaming is the only option for the Chairman's precious Foxtel …

Never mind, the pond can sense a trend here. Over at Crikey, Guy Rundle is now regularly infatuated with the lizard Oz on a Monday. He can't get help wolfing down the Oreos and devotedly reading the Major, though sometimes he seems a little agitated at the way the parrot keeps chewing the scenery …


There's more of course but for that you'd have to fork over some cash, while the pond prefers to present the undiluted, distilled essence of the Major ...


There are some suckers still spending eighty bucks a month for Foxtel? 

Caring nothing for cricket, the pond is pleased to suggest that the recent cricket deal is a monumental dud. From what the pond understands, the only game worth having is the bash thingie, because it's over in a night. The rest is programming dead weight, featuring a game played by cheats, and filling up days in a way that only interests tragics and elderly gentlemen of the John Howard kind.

Even the Major can't gild this lily, in the way that he tries to put a lipstick on the pig of tree killer newspapers …

But as long as the Chairman has a good business plan in the States, the reptiles here can take some comfort he'll keep them in the style to which they're currently accustomed …


Never mind, speaking of the Terror, the pond is sometimes asked if it ever misses the old days of the Devine and Akker Dakker, and truth to tell, that's a bit like asking if feels good not being hit with a hammer by Joaquin Phoenix in You Were Never Really Here

Last week the pond thought of doing the Bolter, collected all the clippings and then couldn't be bothered.

The pond is content with a bit of cross-promotional work by the diligent reptiles, so it can do its Barbara Streisand impersonation (the pond's version of Memories will clear any bar in town), and that's how it came across this day's report on the Terrorists...


Of course the pond only does screen caps, so can't offer the chance to listen to the dynamic Sharri, explaining the way that the Mike Pence syndrome afflicts pollies down other, so that they can't bear to be out and about in a way that might make Mother worry …

The pond hates to ruin the reptile party, but the rogues at news.com.au have broken the paywall here … (no the pond didn't listen, it went looking for Joaquin's hammer instead).


Why does the pond find all this vastly amusing? Well back in 2015, Myriam Robin reported in Crikey (here for those who can step through the paywall), that Sharri's dad Max Markson had started doing some work for Mark Latham, and inter alia, reported a few of Latham's comments about Sharri:

         

And that sort of draws the circle together, the whole lizard Oz swamp, the Major, Sharri and the whole damn thing, leaving just time to celebrate the US swamp …



In which the reptiles let loose the Oreo, with serious risks for dog owners ...



Alarming news for dog owners who like to give their pooches table scraps, but the pond these days is grateful for whatever scraps the reptiles let outside the paywall.

One week there's no Oreo, the next there's a glut of her, and the pond has to think about going for a lengthy lunch-time walk.

Sadly today's Oreo is old and stale, crumbly and mouldy, blathering on about the Folau matter yet again … and right from the get-go the pond had a problem …


The pond realises that the Oreo might not do the headers for her wastes of time, but really freedom of speech doesn't support anything, except the freedom to speak.

So when the Oreo is being monstrously silly, some might freely tweet back at her …


Yes, freedom of speech supports the right of Folau to be a bigot and the Oreo to be a fool, and for others to note that Folau is a fool and that the Oreo supports bigots, and the pond is all for it … and if Folau and the Oreo want to consign people to hell, they should feel free to do it …

After all, what if you score purgatory instead and the Catholic prayer machine kicks into action, and you're out of there by the time the universe collapses?

But enough of theology, it's on with the dull Oreo snack ...


Of course it goes without saying that as a heretic, Folau himself is destined for hell. Just ask any Catholic theologian … well anyone except Pope Francis, who got the reptiles agitated by completely missing the point about hell ...

...no one will be saved who, knowing the Church to have been divinely established by Christ, nevertheless refuses to submit to the Church or withholds obedience from the Roman Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ on earth. 

Not only did the Savior command that all nations should enter the Church, but He also decreed the Church to be a means of salvation without which no one can enter the kingdom of eternal glory. (and a lot more piffle and nonsense here).

And if you can't enter the kingdom of eternal glory, there's not too many alternatives in the afterlife, what with the Catholics having abandoned limbo, and your average fundie evangelical dissing the notion of purgatory on the extraordinary basis that Christ never said peek boo about the idea.

Yes pack your bags Folau, you're off to hell too, you damnable heretic, and you can take the Oreo with you for supporting you in your heretical thinking, unless of course the Catholics happen to be wrong, and your schismatic version is correct, though the pond will admit to the possibility of the Jews, the Islamics, the Hindus or dozens of other variants might be right, and everybody else will be off to hell, or perhaps returning to a Sydney kitchen as a cockroach ...

Sheesh, the pond loves its theological heresies and damnations, but it's time to finish off the pack of Oreos for the day ...



Um, actually, it seems to the pond that we're talking here more about the right to hate openly, but that's okay, feel free to hate away, just as sponsors can feel free to walk away …and the pond can feel free to damn everyone to an eternity of hellfire, as atheists are wont to do ...

At the end of it, the pond felt like walking the chunnel might be just too much of an effort, and turned to Shanners for a little light relief.

The bankers are much on the reptile minds at the moment, and the pond was delighted to see that Shanners' relatively straight piece was preceded by an advertisement for the NAB ...



If the pond might interrupt, it was wondrous stuff, a NAB ad setting the tone, up there with Malware's pathetic attempt to justify himself ...



But here's the thing … the prolific Shanners had also written a commentary to go with his more newsy report …

And what do you know? Yep, it also had an ad for the NAB at the top of it …

The pond loves its irony but this was more self-reflexive than a French structuralist … or Roland Barthes writing about wrestling ...



The pond really doesn't have anything to say about the Shanners' piece. 

Malware and the reptiles might be celebrating at the way Newspoll has done a slight shift, but all the pond wanted to do was celebrate the way the NAB had seized on the logarithms, and made sure that anyone wanting to read about the fatuous Malware in the lizard Oz copped an ad about the glories of Australian banks …

More than money? Well yes, there's also greed and Malware trying to save the hapless banks, and then having to cover up about his attempted cover-up ...



Oh dear, the more he tries to explain, the deeper the hole, he digs, and clearly there's far too much free speech if even the bouffant one is allowed to take down Malware ...

And so to a celebration of free speech by Cathy Wilcox, with more free speech options here