Wednesday, January 17, 2018

In which the pond sorts wheat from chaff and arrives at a reptile winner ...

  

While the pond realises it's unseemly to boast, the pond would just like to note the astonishing restraint it shows on a daily basis, and how it refuses to take all the bait offered by Murdochian trollers, as it tries to sort the wheat from the chaff ...

The pond spends much of its time discarding pleasures which are simply too obvious, too blatant, to conform to the pond's rigorous quality control checks ...


Actually the most likely future for us is a dud NBN, but the pond has gone on too much about that.

This day the tabloids are in a state of shock as they lather up the latest race war offering, while the lizards of Oz are still in the same game, though they dress it up in a different way ...


Mixed messages and a nation at war?

Well Comrade Bill better learn quickly that this country doesn't tolerate dissenting views.

When the flag gets run up the pole, better salute, or fuck off somewhere else. Ah, the joys of a Murdochian totalitarian state ... please, no dissent, no ambivalence, love it or leave it, though you might be welcomed back as a furriner if you're prepared to use your squillions to prop up a failing tree-killing business model ...

What's that, the Terror was taking a stand?


Silence the Donald and the white nationalists in the White House?

Good luck with that Tory. Surely you realised after Charlottesville that there were good folk on both sides, and it would be best if you fell into line, and joined the Fox News crew in chanting "the Jews will not replace us" and "blood and soil" ... or if you will, in honour of the pond's remote connections to its Black Forest ancestors, "blut und boden" ...

Never mind, this posting is rapidly turning into a Seinfeld episode, a blog about nothing, or if you will, the lizards of Oz, and all this talk of the Donald reminded the pond of an item that bobbed to the surface just yesterday, like a cork, or a troublesome difficult something in the bathroom flusher ...



Now why did this tickle the pond's funny bone, and make it through its rigorous filtration system?

Well first Melanie Phillips is one of those wondrous barking mad Poms who made the journey from the extreme left to the extreme right, as extremists are wont to do - show the pond a fervent atheist or true believer, and watch the polarities reverse, and next thing you know, pace Christopher Pearson, a Pol Pot lover will be chanting the Latin mass ...

But dotty Mel's journey was even more extreme than most, much to the shock and chagrin of Graudian types, and so, in a typical liberal way, they blamed themselves ...


Yes, it was all about the way the liberal left ignored its own weaknesses, as you can read in the Graudian here ... as opposed to dotty Mel going barking mad in a north by northwest, hawk and handsaw way ...

Here's the rub.

Can anyone remember reading dotty Mel featuring on the front page of the lizard Oz - by gracious consent and by appointment to the Times of London - with a splash headed "President Donald? Preposterous"?

And with that followed by beguiling copy reading "The bandwagon behind the billionaire TV celebrity ignores his record, lack of judgment and breathtaking hypocrisy."

Well no, and besides, that horse bolted long ago ... and now it seems any billionaire TV celebrity can eye off the White House, though it might just involve being a real billionaire, as opposed to a fake one like the Donald ...

Back in the day, dotty Mel was more likely to be running this sort of story, as reported in The Independent ...


It's all here, with hot links, and it makes for quaint and delightful reading, including these fun bits ...

“Trump’s victory, it is claimed, will promote hatred, racial violence and an end to democracy,“ she writes, ”yet the people being hated and racially attacked are Trump supporters. “The accusations being hurled at Trump are not only distorted and display double standards but in turn smear the millions who voted for him...” 

... Her defence of Mr Trump also extended to the controversial appointment to his team of Breitbart executive chairman Steve Bannon, whose four years steering the site has seen headlines such “The West Vs Islam is the New Cold War - Here’s How We Win” and “Political correctness protects Muslim rape culture” published and disseminated. “Breitbart exposes Islamist violence and intimidation," she went on. "For that it is called racist, hate-fuelled and Islamophobic. Millions of voters who fear Islamist oppression and oppose uncontrolled immigration have been denounced in exactly the same way.” Phillips has already praised Mr Trump’s ascension to the White House as an "uprising of the scorned" that has given the Western world “a chance of surviving”.

Oh dear, what to do, what to say, when Stalin puts an ice pick in the back of Trotsky's neck, or the Donald says Steve has lost his mind ...

Contra all the problems the Donald offered as a lying, double dealing TV reality show star and snake-oil salesman, dotty Mel did her best to present the good side ...

 

Here's the thing, the hawk and the handsaw cunning nature of it all. 

There's a method to dotty Mel's madness. 

She works the personality racket side of the street, with stories and columns designed to shock and awe and irritate.

In her own way, she's a minor Donald, though she dresses it out with flourishes of rationality and hints of intelligence.

Dotty Mel realises she needs to be outside the Murdochian paywall to establish her profile and flog her books, and so she has an eponymous website here ... where all her Trumpian gushing excess can be read ...



After all, there's all those good folk marching in support of the Donald in Charlottesville and chanting soil and blood, and then there's that genius deal just around the corner ...

And that's why dotty Mel passes the dotty pond test.

Only a fuckwit of the first water could scribble how Oprah's a worry while the Donald is just a persecuted warrior working for just causes, and might still produce a genius deal, no doubt of the inspirational Breitbart kind ...

Besides, dotty Mel's presence saves the pond from having to wander down the road with the reptiles in their ongoing Australia Day war.

Not only would this have been a tremendous waste of energy, as usual, the immortal Pope had got there before the pond, and nailed it with his latest encyclical, with more papal pleasures to be found here ...



In which the pond brings glorious news of Moorice ...


Wednesday would usually be Miranda the Devine day, and realising that she's sorely missed on her holyday break, the good twittering folk at Palace Films sent her a 'hurry back soon' message a few days ago, as part of their astute business plan, incidentally setting off a Mark Wahlberg flame war.

Ah, the Devine, much missed ...

And now for some even better news.

The pond has long urged Moorice to return to his first love, climate science, which made him one of the most respected international figures in the field, apart perhaps from the Donald and faux Lord Monckton, and his assorted acolytes of the Dame Slap and Paul Sheehan kind (now there's a long forgotten expert climate scientist) ...

Moorice was too busy noting assorted pending catastrophes about to be inflicted on the world, but at last he has heeded the pond's call, and the reptiles frantically cleared some space so that they could remind the world that they were home to top-class climate science reporting ...



Now this is such a vital message that the pond wouldn't dream of interrupting Moorice's flow or arguing with his impeccable science ...


It goes without saying that Ridders' announcement was one of the most astonishing insights into climate science that the world has yet seen.

Though originally published in The Times, it was featured in the lizard Oz, yet bizarrely, cruelly, it was hidden behind a paywall.

Imagine if Galileo had been put behind a paywall, or worse still, silenced by the Catholic church.

It's in that grand spirit of relentless bold scientific inquiry that Ridders has posted The Mysterious Cycles of Ice Ages on his blog ... and in an expanded version!

Not just short diluted Murdochian science, but full-throated, expanded Ridders' science ...

Take that, reptiles, as if the world should be held hostage by your baleful paywall, when the spirit of scientific research is afoot like a hound on the chilly moors...

Global warming? Tell that to the hound shivering in the brisk night air ...

Now before proceeding, the pond should remind everyone that the other Ridders, from the deep north, featured along with Lloydie, and Jim Steele, on Media Watch a while ago...

And with that,  it's back to Moorice, assorted Ridders and the science ...


Indeed, indeed, the pond has long suspected a deep state BOM conspiracy, acting in league with the League of Nations to introduce a world government, and how lucky we are to have Moorice act as a parrot to the exceptional Ridders, who sagely concluded his piece thusly ...

All of human civilisation happened in an interglacial period, with a relatively stable climate, plentiful rainfall and high enough levels of carbon dioxide to allow the vigorous growth of plants. Agriculture was probably impossible before then, and without its hugely expanded energy supply, none of the subsequent flowering of human culture would have happened. That interglacial will end. Today the northern summer sunshine is again slightly weaker than the southern. In a few tens of thousands of years, our descendants will probably be struggling with volatile weather, dust storms and air that cannot support many crops. But that is a very long way off, and by then technology should be more advanced, unless we prevent it developing. The key will be energy. With plentiful and cheap energy our successors could thrive even in a future ice age, growing crops, watering deserts, maintaining rainforests and even melting ice caps.

By golly, reliable energy, made impossible by the intelligentsia lurking with the baristas in Surry Hills. 

Please, remind the pond to get in a two bar radiator this winter ... one bar won't be enough, not if the pond wants to join in the melting of ice caps ... because, let's face it, currently the ice caps aren't melting fast enough ... take an Arctic gander here ...

But while this is all very well, and the pond is tremendously reassured, would it be too bold to urge both Moorice and Ridders to explore in more depth the thesis of one of the world's great climate scientists, a thesis which keeps on attracting difficult, disapproving tweets ... yet has an elegant simplicity to it ...


Never mind, the pond is sure that in due course Ridders and Moorice will explain exactly what the Donald meant and why he is right, and in the meantime the pond can honour this bold and brave climate scientist with a cartoon by Rowe, with more Rowe to be found here ...



Tuesday, January 16, 2018

In which the pond does matership and merde, thanks to the Terrorists and a meretricious Marcus ...


The Daily Terror is notorious for its notoriously silly front pages and crusades, but that bit about Bennelong and Phillip as a two mates story in need of a history lesson sent the pond scuttling off to the ADB for its short piece about Bennelong ...

If that's what mateship does for you, then mateship is pretty fucked. 

It seems the first way to gain a mate is to capture and imprison them ... and then watch the miseries flow from that first unhappy coupling ...


Okay, that's enough history, and the words that leap out at the pond are "'much broken his spirit'. He reached Sydney in September, and thereafter references to him are scanty, though it is clear that he could no longer find contentment or full acceptance either among his countrymen or the white men..."

References were scanty? And now suddenly he's on the front page of the Terror as a dinkum mate with Phil , amidst Terrorist talk of the PC brigade?

Is this why reading the Terror produces a desire in the pond to vomit?

The reptiles were in a full-blown frenzy this day. 

It wasn't just the Terrorists, the lizards of Oz were on song too, what with the war on Xmas having been such a bummer last year ...

  

A day that unites Australia: PM? 

That's what he said, according to the lizards of Oz ...


Ah, that great old song come together ... how does it go again?


But don't let an Akker Dakker report get anyone agitated.

According to the Terror, the PM and the arm-breaker are as one ...

How does it feel for Malware to be seen standing in the fortifications alongside the arm-breaker?


Well the pond couldn't go there, and so was forced to do a Marcus ... which is to say spend time with a woman who insists on perpetuating caricatures and stereotypes about blondes ...


And there's the rub, with the usual news arc associated with the Donald. 

First there was the real story, and then came a half non-denial, and then the full-blown lying denials ... which means if you're in the business of saying that the Donald was right, why has everyone now gone to such lying trouble to say that he never said it?

The pond is a little sensitive about this, because back in the day, the pond was shoved in to the Irish Catholic camp, at a time when paddies were deemed the niggers of Europe and the niggers of Australia.

Well not quite, because it was allowed that the Irish were a step above the pesky, difficult blacks and the Chinese and all the rest of the Asians, but still, the pond can remember the talk of how the Irish lay down with blacks, and what a terrible thing it was for the country, and so on and so forth ...

The trouble of course with accusing a country of being a shit-hole is that it isn't subtle diplomacy - the Donald hasn't helped the American cause in Africa against the Chinese - and over a short period of time things might change, and one-time shit-hole countries might have a change of direction and manage remarkable feats.

A kindly correspondent sent in this evocation of the changes between the Beijing rail system in 2003 and what is projected to be its situation in 2021 ...(a click might enlarge them a little) ...

  

Beijing remains a smog-laden town, but your average Sydney dweller might sigh a little, as they contemplate George Street and rush off to catch a fast train to the all-hours airport at Badgery's Creek ... somewhere around 2030 following the purchase of land in the 1980s... 

Whatever turns up, it will be long after the pond has gone to catch a hole in the ground ...

And so with a deep sigh and with much regret and a request for deep pity and sympathy for all, the pond reluctantly does a Marcus ...


First let it be said that the Marcus is a wannabe Devine, and routinely fails the challenge. 

The very notion that "logic" should be used in a Marcus posting is absurd ... especially as the opening gambit is to confuse the gulags devised by Australia and attribute them to the local inhabitants, who simply wanted to take Australian cash ...

She is really a prize doofus, and any time the pond strays into her vicinity, it's reminded why it's a great relief it never has anything to do with Sky News ...

Of all the defences of the Donald, this is about the dumbest the pond has read ...


Pardon her French? What's she got against the French? Can't she just say "merde hole" or "trou de merde"?

Dumbfuck ethnic bigot, as if the French have got anything to do with it ...

And then after all that, comes the excuse the pond learned long ago was no excuse at all.

If the pond turned up home and used salty language and was accused of having a potty mouth, the one excuse that never flew was that the pond was just doing what others had done ... say, when Sally or Jill or Mary or whomever had accused Caroline of being a dumbfuck bitch ...

The reply would come back like clockwork. Just because Caroline is a dumbfuck bitch, and Sally or Jill or Mary said it, there's no need and no excuse for you to say it.

You live in a polite conservative family where politeness is everything. Just because Billy stole from the shop and Jimmy castrated the family cat is no excuse for you to go on a shop-lifting and cat-castrating spree... or spay, as the case may be ...

Just because Malware or former Chairman Rudd or "Infrastructure" Bob used salty language is no excuse for the pond, or the Donald ...


Actually, leaving CAPS aside - a sign that the Donald has infected large swathes of twitter with his CAPPISH ways - the real mystery is why it took 38 minutes to correct the error, and why the US federal government, ostensibly in possession of the facts of the matter, didn't help at all, remembering that if North Korea did decide to have a go, the Donald would have a mere 10 minutes to react.

In short, where was the Donald in all this? Well we all know, it's old news, easily googled ...


He was out on the golf course, MAGA, or Making his game great again ...

The upside? 

Why do silly people like Caroline Marcus try to defend the indefensible? Once upon a time, if anyone talked about other countries (rather than gulags) as shitholes, conservatives would have tut-tutted, and clucked. The lying about him saying it just compounds the crime on several levels - first the crime of lying is added to the obscenity, and second the lying indicates that he was being naughty, provocative and childish in the usual way.

It's even worse when the defence suggests that everyone can be a foul-mouthed bigot, so why not the Donald?

Well two can play that game.

Once again the pond is reminded why it never watches Sky News, and would rather have a root canal than subscribe to Foxtel. There, and in saying that, there was really no need for the pond to add, in foul-mouthed Donald way, that if Caroline Marcus works for Sky News, whatever they're offering must be really a sub-standard, truly fucked pile of merde ...

And so to a few Rowe cartoons, as the lad is back, just in time to save the pond's sanity, and ready to address both the matter of the Donald, and Australia Day, and with more Rowe to be found here ...




In which the pond turns to the Caterists to save it from the cloacal kiss ...


With the pond desperate to get away from a cloacal presidency - the cloacal kiss is best left to the birds - the pond held out high hopes for the Caterists this day ...

After all, there was the Urban, relieved of anxiety about persecution of Xians and the hideous gay agenda in all its rainbow forms, spending her time worrying about the cost of a private schooling. 

Perhaps the Caterists could deny climate change yet again, or berate green energy, or wind farms, or crow eaters, or the greenies or ...


Well, it's not the greatest change of pace ... the Caterist might just as easily have written "Why Malware is no politician", or "Why Malware is no Bob Menzies", or even with just a little tongue in cheek, "Why Malware is no Billy McMahon" ...

It's true the pond doesn't have much fondness for Comrade Bill, and it's also true that he isn't an epic pisspot drinker routinely getting on the turps, like Bob in his heyday ...


16 seconds? Pathetic. What we need is a boozing, schmoozing charmer ...but any port in a cloacal presidency storm ...


Pace the Pom's pathetic dissing, let it be recorded here that the pond loves the Hay plain. 

Driving across it once, the pond saw the best plague of locusts to grace the planet since biblical times, and rather than flat, monotonous and featureless, it has a remarkable beauty in its singularity ...

 

It is, in fact, one of the great Australian landscapes ... and perhaps only a visiting Pom, still imagining they're somewhere near Essex, could fail to appreciate its charms ...

Every time the pond has driven across the Hay plain, it has presented a different and beguiling face, and it remains a great driving experience, one of the few reasons to want to cling to the old motoring age. The pond also has a soft spot for Hay itself, though it's a fair bet that the old post office isn't what it once was ...


The pond can't think of higher praise than to say Hay isn't far from Tamworth, in a metaphysical, metaphorical sense at least ...

But okay, the Caterist is just being paid to sing for his supper, and his hatred, fear and loathing of Australia and decent rural folks was perhaps just a form of mis-speaking, and there are many other ways of piling on to Comrade Bill, so what's he got?


The NBN?

The pond's ever so pleased that got raised. You see, not so long ago, an actual tree-killing edition of the Herald Sun landed in the house, and the pond couldn't help but notice a story by one James Campbell.

Campbell was springboarding off the comical tale of a wretched, persecuted Telstra victim, who staged a sit-in at Telstra's Marrickville store ...and the noble role the coppers played in sorting it out ...


By golly, that was in the HUN? People make up their minds based on their own experience, and right at this moment, the pond's broadband drops out every five minutes or so? And as for Centrelink ...

Please, tell the pond more ...


Actually the pond can pick the difference between Telstra HFC and the new NBN Telstra HFC, but not in a good way, and yes, things have moved beyond that now ...


Indeed, indeed. Well might it be explained why "Malware is no Billy McMahon" or "Malware is no Harold Holt" ... because back in the day, Malware spent an enormous amount of time and energy owning the new fixed NBN, until he decided it had all been a terrible mistake ...

The delusional promises he made are still etched in the pond's mind as if it was a bit of granite from the local stoneworks.

Here's the start of another piece by the AFR's Paul Smith, back in December last year, which can be googled for a full hit of the Malware follies ...


On and on Smith went, reminding us that Malware did for the NBN what the prattling Pom had done for the Hay plain ...


A long-term HFC advocate? Indeed, indeed ...


What a comprehensive dumbo. Well might it be noted, Why Malware isn't Bill Gates' shoelace ...

As for the rest, it's just a matter of mopping up the last of the Caterist dripping with a bit of stale bread ...


... and refuse to make that link to the MRC a hot one, and hand out the cash reward for services rendered ...


... and then move on to the Pope of the day, celebrating Malware's feeble enthusiasm for invasion day, with more papal pleasures here ...